Safe People

This past week we wrapped up another year of school - with one son finishing his sophomore year of high school and the other son finishing his sophomore year of college.  These days it feels like every moment is a milestone.  

To kick off our summer, we went to see a movie.  We were in a large theater, but there were only about 8 people present, due to the fact that this particular movie has been out for more than a month.  

A few rows above us was a man.  He’d walked up and down the stairs a few times, and a couple of minutes before the movie began he walked into our row.  He waved and said hello.  And then he asked, “How did you get those to do that?”  

He was referring to our chairs and wanted to know how we had reclined them.  I showed him the buttons on the chair and how they worked.  He said thanks and went back to his seat.  We could hear the motor from his chair as it slowly reclined.  

As he walked away, my first thoughts regarding his question were pretty judgmental.  I thought - Hasn’t he ever seen a movie before?  Surely he knows how to recline a chair?  Why is he asking for help with such an easy thing?  

But then I paused and considered the judgments I was making.  

I realized it was actually brave of him to ask for what he needed.  He didn’t know how to do something, and instead of spending the movie with an unreclined chair, he found someone that did know how to make it work and got help.  

My assumptions about what he should or shouldn’t know how to do were unfair.  I don’t know his story.  

It took no effort on my part to answer his question - 10 seconds of explanation, and he was all set.  Yet in those 10 seconds, I formed all kinds of opinions about that man.  

I wonder how often we form an opinion about someone without really knowing anything about them.  I wonder how often we decide what someone else should or shouldn’t know based on our own experiences.  I wonder how often we assume something is easy for everyone else because it is easy for us.  

These 30 seconds at the movies reminded me to slow down, to be curious about the judgments I am making, and to notice when my assumptions are unfounded.  

I want to be a person that is safe to ask questions of, and I want to be a person who feels safe asking questions of others.  

This is how we learn from one another.  This is how we grow in appreciation of one another.  This is how we set aside misunderstandings and find common ground.  

May we be safe people this week and always.   

~  Melissa