Out of Control
Over the past several weeks, our internet provider has been doing work in our neighborhood. It has required other companies to come out and mark their lines to prepare for digging, as well as bright orange temporary lines wrapped along the fence. For the most part, it has just been happening around us, and not really impacting us in any major way.
Yet, part of the process of the work they are doing has caused our internet to be spotty, especially in the past few days.
On their website, there is a note that says: “We’ve identified a network-impacting event affecting the consistent delivery of service to your home. We know this can be frustrating, but we do appreciate your patience while our teams work to resolve this event.”
Here is what is true. I appreciate that they are working on it. I don’t feel patient about it at all.
Apparently, I use the internet way more than I realize, and when it is not working it causes me frustration and makes me angry.
Moments like these invite me to pause and consider why is this situation, which I have no control over, making me angry. This is what comes to my mind -
I can’t do the work I need to do because I can’t access my files which are stored online.
I am paying for this service so I expect it to work.
I am not in control of this situation, so I can’t fix what is broken and have to rely on someone else to fix it.
Will someone else actually look at all of the details to really solve the problem, or will they just put a bandaid on it causing it to keep happening?
You get the idea. It is super fun to be inside my head!
When I pause and invite the Holy Spirit to join me in this conversation, happening inside my head, these ideas can begin to shift from anger to understanding.
It is true I can’t access my work that is online and that is frustrating, but it is also true that those waiting on that work are gracious and understanding. They will understand it isn’t my fault and be patient with my deadlines.
It is true I am paying for the service, but it is also true that no service works perfectly all of the time. I want people to offer me grace when a service is down, so I also need to offer that same grace as best as I can.
I’m not in control of this situation, plain and simple. I can’t fix it. I can’t change it. So, I need to acknowledge that it is happening, pay attention to how my body is feeling about it, and then adjust my expectations as best as I can.
I am not an expert in this area, so I need to trust that those who are the experts will do their job well. I need to assume the best of them, not the worst. I also need to trust that they don’t want customers calling every day with the same issues and so they will surely find the solution as soon as possible.
You might respond very differently when your internet is spotty. It might not bother you at all, or you might notice very different things than me. We are all unique in what challenges us. These moments in our everyday lives are an invitation to explore why we respond the way that we do, and to invite the Holy Spirit to help us see where we might grow in these moments. Transformation happens as we pay attention to what is happening in our mind and body, allow space to be honest about what is bothering us, and listen to see if there are ways our perspective can shift to resemble Jesus more deeply.
What a gift that we can keep growing and changing for our whole life!
~ Melissa