Joy In All Seasons
In the fall of 2020, I began to have intense pain in my left hip and back. I had been working with a trainer and had experienced an injury, which seemed to be the trigger for the pain. I went to the chiropractor and did the things I would normally do to care for myself, but the pain continued.
And it wasn’t a little pain. It was the kind of pain that takes your breath away and makes it so that you can barely carry on a conversation or think straight because relief seems to be nowhere in sight. I ended up visiting my doctor who ordered x-rays. The x-rays didn’t indicate any issue and so an MRI was ordered. The MRI indicated I might have a tear around my L4 and L5 discs.
The next step was to see a back specialist. He looked at my MRI and told me my back was super healthy and that no surgery was needed. And while this was great news, it did not actually relieve me of the intense pain. He ordered an EMG to test the nerve function in my left leg. An EMG, in case you don’t know, is where they poke you with a needle and then send electricity down your nerve to check how it responds. So, as you can imagine, not the type of thing you look forward to doing.
Additional tests were ordered, but everything came back fine, which led me to physical therapy where I realized I needed to slow down and pay attention to my body.
As I was laying on the floor this week doing my stretches I was reminded of my physical therapist telling me to do the stretches slowly because they were more effective that way. And I was reminded how, even now, I want to rush through them to just get them done.
What is it about pain that makes us want to rush through it? Personally, I just don’t want to feel it. I want to push it aside, pretend it isn’t happening, and move on. I don’t want my body to ever be in pain. I always want it to feel great. I don’t want to acknowledge that I’m getting older, or that my body wasn’t meant to carry stress for long periods, or that I have limitations. I don’t want the inconvenience of having to slow down or even stop because of pain. I just want to fix it and go about my regularly scheduled programming.
And this is the messy season I have found myself in for the last year. A season of acknowledging pain, not just physical, but also mental, emotional, and relational. A season of surrender. A season of being reminded that I am not in control. A season of hope. A season of finding joy despite the pain.
I am thankful that my pain has continued to decrease as the year has gone on, but it is not completely gone. This year has taught me to be kinder to myself on the days when I am hurting, and to celebrate the little things that stir up joy. I have a print from Morgan Harper Nichols that says JOY IS A PRACTICE. And while we may not consider JOY to be a traditional spiritual practice, I think it is one we should explore. Even in the darkest season joy can be found. Our friends in Nehemiah demonstrate this for us beautifully. We'll talk more about them next time.
Experiencing joy in every season isn't about ignoring everything else that is going on. It is about knowing that no matter what is going on God remains faithful, and in him, we can find moments worth celebrating.
Over the next few weeks, we are going to look at the practice of joy. I want to invite you to do two things. First, I want to invite you to pay attention to what sparks joy in you this week. Maybe it is a conversation with a friend, a piece of art, a sunset, a song, a scripture, or anything that you notice. Start a list on your phone, or wherever, so you can look at it and be reminded of what sparked joy in you. Second, I want to invite you to read the book of Nehemiah, especially giving focus to chapter 8, though the context will make the most sense if you can read the whole book.
I hope this week you will be reminded that we can all find joy every day if we are willing to practice looking for it. Even in the midst of hard seasons or deep pain joy is readily available. May our eyes be opened this week as we look for joy in unexpected places.
See you next week - Melissa