Feelings and Faith

In January of 2003, nearly 20 years ago now, my husband and I sat in our pastor’s office at church.  We had recently discovered we were expecting our first baby, and as we’d been talking at home we knew that the number of hours we volunteered at church would need to change in the months ahead.  We knew that becoming parents needed to be our primary focus for a season and wanted to give our pastor plenty of notice as we transitioned out of the roles we were in at the time.

While we were excited and expectant for the season ahead, our pastor was disappointed and he told us as much both through his words and the actions that followed in the days and years to come.

I was 25 at the time and I had never encountered the kind of hurt that came during that season.  It was the first time I understood what it meant to be hurt by the church, but I had no idea what to do about it.  My husband and I didn’t know who to talk to about our situation - we didn’t have any friends that had walked through anything similar.

Looking back on that time, one of the things I remember is how I was made to feel like I just needed to get over it and move on.  I was supposed to just forgive and act as if nothing had happened.  It was as if talking about how I was feeling and acknowledging the anger and pain from what had happened somehow made me a bad Christian.

We aren’t always sure what to do with our emotions and the feelings that follow.

At times our feelings make others uncomfortable.  At times they make us uncomfortable.  Feelings can be messy and even inconvenient.  But, despite the discomfort, they are worth exploring.

What if we acknowledge that feelings are a part of the way God designed us?  What if those feelings are clues for us to explore what is happening in our mind and body?  What if we recognize that the Holy Spirit wants to guide us as we process why we are feeling the way we do?  What if paying attention to our feelings provides an opportunity for growth?

This doesn’t mean that we act on every feeling that we have, but rather that we get curious and ask questions about why we feel the way we do and how to process those feelings in healthy ways.

Our pastor was disappointed in our choice to take a step back.  There was nothing wrong with his disappointment, but rather the problem came when he treated us as if we were a disappointment because our plans no longer aligned with his.  He didn’t know how to handle his own feelings and so he reacted by not speaking to us for 5 years, among other things.

That season was incredibly hard, but it was also a time when we learned a lot about ourselves and about the way that the Spirit wants to comfort us and lead us in all seasons.  Those 5 years were filled with moments of grieving, growing up, and discovering that God’s love for us was deeper and kinder than we had ever known.   

We all have feelings.  We all experience moments when our feelings get hurt or come out sideways.  As followers of Jesus, much grace is needed as we live life with each other, but that grace does not mean we ignore the ways our bodies are responding to the situations around us.  Our feelings can be helpful warning signs.

I think the danger in us ignoring our feelings is that over time we stop listening to the clues that something is happening within us and needs our attention.  The messaging that often comes from the church is if you are feeling anxious, sad, angry, etc, etc, then you must not have enough faith.  This is unfortunate.

I think that as followers of Jesus we are not meant to weather our emotions alone.  Jesus demonstrates for us a robust set of emotions from great joy to deep sorrow.  Jesus was fully embodied in his human form and he experienced a myriad of emotions just as we do.  He demonstrates for us what it looks like to go to the Father with those emotions and to listen to the Spirit’s guidance about how to proceed.

Rather than telling people their emotions are too big or their faith is too small, what if we invited them to tell their stories and to sit with them in compassion and love?  They might need us to point them to a professional to help them depending on their story, or they might just need a safe space to be honest and explore their humanness.

Jesus didn’t rush people through their emotions.  He offered them compassion and hope.  May we do the same.

~  Melissa